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There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich