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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.