Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
I say the things better left unsaid.