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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
You think Iām mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist`s finger before she stops believing that you`re doing it accidentally.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....