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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor