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Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
Society: Be yourself. Society: No not like that
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`