Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.