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I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
is battling with eyelids
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.