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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
EVERY Friday is good in my book!
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.