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I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Much of my life is a contest to see which of the voices in my head can say the funniest stuff.
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.