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Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"