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Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm