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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.