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My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets bad gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
I put the hot in psychotic.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.