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Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
I`ve given up on giving up.
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!