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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?