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You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes kept getting sucked in my nose!
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.