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They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.