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Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.