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My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
If you have no internet history you silently admit wrong doing.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.