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If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.