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People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.