Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media