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Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
This patience thing takes forever.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.