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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
I`ve never watched a clown apply makeup but I imagine the process is similar to that of a Kardashian.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there