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Checklist: Poke People ? Delete People ? Block People ? Send Friend Requests ? Accept Friend Requests ? Ignore Chats ? Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ?....Morning chores all done.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
My kitchen is actually nothing more than a fruit hospice
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
If you have to tell us that you`ve been going to the gym, you probably need to go more often....
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.