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Happy people don`t take long showers.
My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?