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Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!