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In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
"LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can`t eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.