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Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
My life is based on a true story
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.