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Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list