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Which wine goes best with more wine?
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.