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"No comment" - said no woman, ever
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
Siri, where are my pants?
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.
I wonder if these beers are performance enhancing. I’m feeling pretty awesome!!