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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.