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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
If I was antisocial I wouldn`t have just ordered a pizza over the phone.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.