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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.