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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?