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My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
Stress balls work best when you shove them down somebody`s throat.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!