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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.