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It`s so hard to find obedient minions
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes