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my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
is accepting applications. Needed someone to keep me from doing dumb stuff. See previous post.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Breaking news: Newt saw his shadow. Six more weeks of campaigning and attack ads.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.