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Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I started seeing this girl recently. She sometimes texts. Sometimes Whatsapps. Sometimes she emails. Sometimes she Facebooks. Im getting mixed messages.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Life is so unfair, why do we always want what we don`t have? For example, right now I want tacos
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P