Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.