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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.