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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
Sorry for nicking your car with my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."