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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
With great power comes great electricity bill.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
Me: You`re the prettiest girl I`ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you`re smart too, I like that.
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...