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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Neighbor just yelled at me for playing in his sprinkler. Note to self, I should wear clothes next time.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
I`m combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I`m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven`t hidden.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
My anger management class pisses me off
My goal weight is,"someone give that girl a cheeseburger."