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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?