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I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
It needs more cowbell!!
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.