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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.