Daily Silly Status

Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!

The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.

I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores

I had a doctors appointment today. He said I was normal! See? I told you!!!

It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.

I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.

I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.

At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.

I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.

The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.

I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds

I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!