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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
Hey ladies, I just love "Austrailian" kissing...it`s a lot like "French" kissing only Down Under!
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
WTF, marathoners? I don’t even like to drive 26 miles.
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.