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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.