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Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.