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The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
I saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons earlier.....must be going through a tough period in her life....
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.