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At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.